Chapter Thirty – Life through a lens

I’ve been a very bad blogger. It’s not that I haven’t written anything recently, it’s just that none of it has gotten past the nightly 3am review, when I’ve found myself making plans, writing articles and doing half a days work, before the alarm even goes off. But you get spells like that and sometimes other things just have to take priority, namely kids and work. Unfortunately Tag has felt the brunt of being lower down on the priority list, and I’ve had to shut myself off from his tangible misery, as he has struggled to work out what he was meant to be doing; other than eating, sleeping, growling and jumping out of his field. And I could have written about all of this, and as facebook (rather presumptuously) kept reminding me that -‘no one had heard from me in a while’, it can be difficult to not let my inherent ‘people pleasing’ attitude pull me into the circle of social media.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate social media, I think it is a very clever idea and used in the way it was intended, it has allowed me to be part of my friends lives – even though they live on the other side of the world. But on the flip-side, I do find it strange that the mediums designed to make us communicate more freely, can actually make us more distant. I think that sometimes you just have to keep your head down and focus on the ‘real’ stuff.

You could compare it to when you are videoing someone doing a round of showjumps or a dressage test, or even the kids at sports day, you never seem to actually see what they have done. And as they come to you keen to find out how they performed;  “Did he hit that behind? Was my circle accurate? Did I win?”, the truth is you haven’t got a clue, well why would you, you were just taking a video and watching their every move? It does seem silly, but it’s true, life viewed through a phone is not viewed properly. So when the pressure was on and I was determined not to take my eye off the ball; with the kids starting back to school (I still haven’t managed to remember to buy them a recorder) and with my crazy workload (please don’t ask all the things I’ve forgotten to do there…), that I truly didn’t have the headspace for much else.

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But as always nothing endures and the madness of horsey family life continues and there’s not much can prepare you for any of it. As a single, independent, ‘horsey’ girl into my late 20’s, love/marriage/horse/carriage, all came as a bit of a shock – in a good way of course! Being a mum can be tough, rewarding, scary, expensive, but mostly, heart-burstingly amazing. Being a mum that also rides horses, brings in another dimension to that dynamic, and does come with its challenges. Having always earned my living mucking out stables and riding other peoples horses, I made the decision to stop riding the three year old point to pointers just before I got married. This was mainly because I thought the chances of me hobbling down the aisle, or being a ‘black-eyed bride’ were quite high, and settling down might require me to ride a more sensible type of equine. Well go figure, you can take the girl out of the racing yard, but you can’t take the racing yard out of the girl. So nine years later – nine years that consisted of me going to great lengths to get a ride on anyone else’s horse – I got Tag.

And although at times it is very difficult to have the time and energy to keep up with both the children and him, we’ll keep on trying! So although facebook thinks I’ve been ignoring everyone, it is actually because I haven’t been, that I have neglected my blog. We all feel like that sometimes, and I can safely say, now that I am back in the saddle I realise what has been missing and how much I really have missed my four-legged, hairy, muddy, mad mate. And judging by his more favourable mood, it seems Tag might just feel the same.

#therapyofathoroughbred #mummyisnotsotired #saddleupsanity #itsabumpyride

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